A Personal Affair
by Lady Feylene
Summary: Remus answers a personals add, and ends up with much more then he bargained for! (Slash, Remus/Severus)
1. Default Chapter

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Disclaimer: None of the Harry Potter characters belong to me, I'm just borrowing them.

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Dedication: To all the nice men who have answered my personal add. :-) 

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Warning: Slash. Male on male romantic situations. You have been warned.

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Author's Note: I had a desire to write another Remus/Severus fic. They have got to be my favorite pairing, and I've just been so damn pathetically romantic lately...who better to write about? This one's got a bit more humor in it...I myself know well the futility of searching through personal adds, looking for that special someone. I thought the basis would make for a nice little story.

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A Personal Affair

Remus Lupin stretched out in front of his fire, lying on top of a thick pile of blankets to insulate himself against the cold. He opened his copy of the Dailey Prophet, looking for any interesting headlines. 

//Not much going on...// Which was odd, all things considered.

"Damn it Remus, it's the middle of summer! Why's it so damn cold?"

"Because we're very far north, and we're on the coast Sirius. I've told you that before." After two months, Sirius was already wearing out his welcome. Remus had not exactly been expecting his old friend to show up on his door-with a letter from Dumbledore! 

"It's too damn cold." Sirius was taking up the cottages one chair.

"You get used to it." Remus flipped the page, eyes scanning the classifieds. He was in desperate need of a new broom, but couldn't afford anything that wasn't used. Sadly, he couldn't find anything that fit him. He never did. Sirius was still grumbling in the background, and Remus ignored it. If Sirius wasn't grumbling, he was complaining. Or pacing. Or ranting. Remus had done his best to sympathetic and polite, but after two weeks...

//I know he's been through a traumatic experience, but still! He's making no effort to move past it.// 

"And there's nothing to *do* around here!" A petulant whine highlighted the end of that statement.

"It wouldn't kill you to pick up a book, Sirius."

"God Remmie, what's with you lately?"

"Just cabin fever, I suppose." It was easier then yelling, or snapping, or placing blame. The past few weeks had been difficult for both of them. The cabin was small, and it was easy to feel cramped. Especially when Remus was very used to living alone, by his own schedule. He certainly didn't *resent* Sirius staying with him, he just wished his friend would make an effort to adjust to Remus' lifestyle.

"Yeah, it's tough." Sirius sighed, and scrubbed his hands over his face. He had changed quite a bit in the two months that he had stayed with Remus. He was clean shaven and decently dressed, and a hint of his old physique could be seen in his growing biceps. //And it doesn't help that I've been celibate for about four years now, and you're one of the best looking men that I know.// That was another problem. Remus' social life had taken a decided downturn in the past year or so. Ever since his lycanthropy became common knowledge, it had become harder to find a date. Which brought him to the next section of the Dailey Prophet. The personals.

"Remmie, you're not going to find anything in there..."

"And it's rude to read over people's shoulders." The werewolf was not in the mood to be chided by Sirius. "I really don't have too many other options. Unless of course you've suddenly decided to change your sexuality."

"Nope." Sirius shook his head, almost apologetically. "Sorry."

"As I thought. So I'm left with no other option." It had been this way for months. Searching the vast wasteland of hopelessness, searching for a small spark. And so far, no spark had been found. There was no one he had even considered getting in touch with. They were either boring, perverted, or had the dreaded listing; humans only. Today was no different. The same. Desperate sounding people who had no appeal to Remus. Except...

"Aha!" Remus jabbed his finger at the block of words. "Listen to this! 'Forty year old wizard seeks discerning male of similar tastes. Literature, philosophy and history. Must be professional and discreet. Age and race of no matter. Please contact at convenience. - S. Anonymous.' And you said I wouldn't find anything!" It was certainly the best prospect he had found. And there was a Owl Post Box number.

"You're not really going to do this, are you?" Sirius re-read the add, shaking his head. "Half of these guys are whackos, you know that. And besides...you shouldn't have to go to personal adds to get a date."

"No, but thanks to a certain professor who shall go unnamed, I have no choice." Remus didn't bother to hide the bit of venom that crept into his voice. He still couldn't believe Severus had done that, revealing him to all of the wizarding world...and ruined his social life! "I'm going to write back immediately." He couldn't try and tell Sirius how hard it was to be lonely. He knew the reaction. Sirius would just lean back on his old crutch. Azkaban. //I know I can't imagine what it must have been like for him, but I *know* what it's been like for me!// Love was never an area where Remus had much luck. He had had one relationship, which had ended horribly. The rest were just casual flings and one night stands. He was sick and tired of it.

"Knock yourself out." Sirius gave a small chuckle, and turned his attention back to the fire.

~~~~

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Dear S.

I found your add in the Dailey Prophet, and I can honestly say that in months it is the first to catch my attention. I am thirty nine years old, and consider myself to be rather attractive. That is if you enjoy the rugged-if weather beaten-look! I suppose I should tell you a bit about myself. I'm a jack-of-all-trades, having done everything from ministry work to shop keeping to carpentry to teaching. I'm even attempting to write a novel. I am 5'11, with tawny colored hair and brown eyes. My favorite book is The Hobbit, and I am a fan of muggle classic rock. I do not drink, but I smoke occasionally. I am in *very* good physical condition, and I enjoy trying new things. Life is nothing without a bit of adventure. I suppose that's all for now, I don't want to bore you with a novella. But if any of this has struck your interest, please write back. 

Yours,

R. Interested 

"Well?" Remus looked anxiously at Sirius, letter clasped in his hands. "What do you think?"

"I think." Sirius said, pausing to consider. "I think he'd be an idiot not to write back."

"Oh, you think so?" Remus was grinning like a fool, and he knew it. But he didn't care. The whole thought that there might be someone out there who could be interested in him was thrilling. 

"Are you sure you want to leave out the whole werewolf thing?"

"Yes." That had been difficult. Remus hated hiding what he was, but he found he had little choice. "If he likes me, and wants to meet with me...then I'll tell him. It's better to get that out of the way in person anyway." A rather sad excuse, but it placated Remmie's sensibilities. "If he can't get past it, well, that's his problem."

"Good way of looking at it. I really do wish you luck Remmie, you deserve to be happy." And his tone of voice made it clear Sirius meant it. Remus grinned once more at his friend-feeling all the while like a giddy schoolgirl-attached the letter to the leg of his rather mangy owl, and sent it off.

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"It's only been two days, Remus, calm down." 

"I know, I know..." Remus sighed, staring out the window. It was rather warm, in the low seventies, and he was considering working on his garden. He took a certain joy out of growing his own fruits and vegetables, and it was something to do. And of course he was able to sell them at the small farmer's market in the muggle town. "I'm going into the garden." He announced. It would at least be something to do.

//You're acting like an idiot. You've never even met this person, know hardly anything about him, and already you're fixating on him. That's not healthy.// But it couldn't be helped. S. Anonymous was his only prospect. Kneeling down, Remus began hacking at a clump of weeds that were threatening to choke his tomatoes. He became absorbed in his work, as he so often did, and so didn't hear the small deliver owl that winged it's way down to his small cottage. It landed in front of him, and had to screech to get his attention.

"Oh!" He dropped his trowel and began practically quivering with excitement. Unsteadily, he reached out to unfasten the piece of parchment from the owl's leg. Forgetting even a vocal thank you, he leapt up and darted into the house.

"Sirius!" He waved the letter over his head. "It's here!"

"Is it?" Sirius was busying himself in the kitchen. It seemed all he did was eat and work out. And practice spells. 

"Well..." Remus faltered. He hadn't even *looked*, he had just assumed. "What else could it be?" He gave an indignant sniff, and opened the letter. 

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'Dear R.

I thank you for the description, but I don't care a whit what you look like. If I cared for looks, I would not have resorted to an advertisement in a printed editorial. I am far more concerned with character and compatibility then anything else. Physical beauty is a care of a younger man, not myself.Well, he's certainly well read!_ As to *your* character, I believe you may have some of the qualities I am looking for. I too am a Tolkien fan, though I found The Hobbit to be insipid and overwritten. I prefer the Silmarillion. _ I've never even heard of that one_Other books I enjoy include anything by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and Faust. _ Hmmm. When he said literature, he meant *literature!_I do enjoy muggle classic rock, though I wonder if your idea of classic is the same as mine. By classic I do not dip so far back into the archives as to include The Four Seasons or any of that rubbish. Though I will allow Steppenwolf and The Rolling Stones. I refer, by classics, to the Doors, Pink Floyd, Queen, and the like. _ He left out The Who, but other then that...__

I have been through many partners in my life. None have been to serious, but I find I am at a time in my life where a committed relationship is what I crave. I have no desire to end up a bitter, lonely old man. I am not looking for games, or a fling, or simply physical intimacy. I am looking for a life partner. If you are looking for anything else, do not even bother to reply. I am not to be trifled with, and I do not like to be taken lightly. If you are, however, also seeking a life partner, then we shall continue these letters. I am in no rush to meet you face to face. I would far rather my attraction to you be based purely on personality, rather then looks. If you are as attractive as you claim, I do not wish to be blinded by your golden beauty, and look only at that. Too often I have fallen for a pretty face and not bothered to realize that I was making a mistake. There is nothing more I have to say at the moment. Respond as you see fit.

"What a prat!" Sirius exclaimed, shaking his head. But Remus was hardly listening. He was lost in his own little world, eyes vacant and dreamy.

"He's perfect!"

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The next chapter's pretty much going to be letter exchanges. Hope you enjoy!


	2. Chapter Two

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Disclaimer: Still not mine

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Warning: Still mildly slashy.

Dedication: This is for everyone who believes that true love can triumph over anything. You have to believe, or else you have nothing...

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Author's Note: I'm glad I was able to get so easily back into the swing of writing. It's been a good six or seven months since I was able to actually sit down and devote any time to writing. I don't think I've lost my touch...

This is just letter exchanges between Severus and Remus. 

A Personal Affair, Chapter Two

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Dear S.

I don't think I can really put into words what all this means to me. It has been so long since I had any hope of finding someone. And I don't just mean to share my life with-though that *is* what I want. I've had a lot of trouble with relationships in the past. It sounds like you have as well. Maybe that's a good thing. If we've both been hurt, we can heal together. Or does that sound horribly corny? I'm prone to it, unfortunately. I really am a hopeless romantic. I have to be. If I didn't believe, firmly and surely, that there was a soul mate out here for me, a happy ever after, I'd go mad. Utterly mad. There's enough pain and bleakness in this world as it is. I need some sort of shining beacon, something to look for. Maybe you can understand that. I've had a rather lonely life. I'm not looking for pity, that's just the way things turned out. I spent a very long time with no real friends, and certainly no lovers. Part of it was me. I pushed people away. I found at the time it was easier. I think I still do it sometimes. I have a dear friend staying with me at the moment, and I even still refuse to open up to him. Though that could be because he's stubborn, and a bit self centered, and has never given any of my problems much deep thought. 

I don't really mean to be so ranting with you. I guess it's just easier to get so much out, on paper like this. And I like to think that you're actually *listening* to what I have to say. Maybe that's all in my head. Maybe I'm imagining it all. Maybe you don't give a damn. Did I also mention I'm a bit neurotic? I worry. Probably too much. I was raised that way. My mother instilled a sense of dread in me. As far as she was concerned, the world was out to get me. She tried to keep me sheltered, but I think she simply succeeded in screwing me up horribly. My friends when I was younger were a bit wild. Needless to say, my mother's attempts at keeping me sheltered failed. But she made me afraid. No, not afraid. Worried. I worried about myself, about my friends, about my schoolwork...it stayed with me. Things like that, things that are drilled into you when you're little, stay with you. Like going out at night. I am mortally terrified of going out at night, because my mother would practically be in tears, screaming at me that I couldn't. Horrible things would happen. It was a useless insistence, but still...

What about you? What was your childhood like? I grew up on a farm, in southern France. It was certainly an interesting upbringing. I learned how to slaughter pigs when I was ten. We also had sheep and chickens, occasionally cows. Generally the cows were kept as milk animals though, rarely for food. My father also hunted, mostly in the winter. That's all I have to say at the moment. 

Yours Truly,

R.

Dear R.

Yes, half of what you say does sound horribly corny. I suppose some would say it is part of whatever charm you may have. I suppose there is no harm in being romantic, lord knows there is little true romance nowadays. And do not be afraid to pour your soul. As I said, it is your character I am interested in, and your character you are certainly showing. I find you intriguing, do not be alarmed. And I am paying close attention to what you choose to share. I agree, it is far easier to put words onto paper and send them to a faceless name, rather then put them to speech. I am not a man known for verbally sharing my feelings. I find it difficult, and tedious. 

I believe that I, too, push people away. It is a natural defense, however. I was rather unpopular in my boyhood days, through little fault of my own. I was the bastard son of a wealthy wizard, and that status earned me quite a bit of scorn even before I started school. It made no difference to me who my father was, or the nature of my conception. But ridicule was something I could do without. I am lacking your rural upbringing, living in the city as I did and still do. I find it suits me rather well. I grew up in London, and am thoroughly British, I can assure you.

France. I had no idea you were a foreigner. And southern France, at that. I've known a few wizards from the area, and visited it myself on occasion. Forgive me if I am wrong, but aren't there a great number of werewolves in the area? I would imagine that to be your mother's vigilant terror of the night. It is a well thing she forbade you to wander after dark, or I doubt you would be sharing these delightful little letters with myself. Werewolves are frightful beasts.

S.

Dear S.

Yes, you're right. There are quite a few werewolf packs where I grew up. And my mother's mortal fear of them *was* unfounded. Werewolves are not necessarily 'frightful beasts' as you put it. Those that are wild beyond the point of rationale, yes. And of course, an unchecked werewolf on the night of the full moon. But with modern magical techniques, a sane lycanthrope-even at the time of the full moon-is harmless. The rest of the time they are simply an average witch or wizard.

If it makes a difference, I don't care if you're a bastard. My own father hated me. And that's not projecting, it's simple fact. He would have had me killed, if possible. That caused some problems when I was younger also, but I've gotten over it. I did attend therapy for a bit, and it helped me a great deal. I had quite a few problems where my parents were concerned, as you can tell. My father hated me, my mother smothered me, and my brother pretty much ignored me. And as to me being a foreigner...my father was English. I was educated in Scotland. I haven't lived in France since I was seventeen. I consider myself to be British, of French descent. 

R.

Dear R.

I notice a sudden frosty tone to your most recent letter. I fear I may have offended you in some way. I can only imagine that you are a werewolf rights activist, and apologize. I did make a random generalization. I have myself made the acquaintance of a werewolf, and found nothing overtly mortifying about him. I could not stand him as a person, but in all honesty his lycanthropy had little to do with my dislike. I meant you no offence, also, in calling you a foreigner. You proved me wrong, and I withdraw my labeling.

You certainly do seem to have many issues revolving around your parents. I suppose I may have a latent fear of abandonment, left over from my father refusing to acknowledge me. My mother and step-father raised me well, I like to think. I was certainly not lacking in an education. My step-father was a very well read man, of both wizarding and muggle literature, philosophy, and science. He was also a student of botany, a love I myself picked up young. I kept a small herb garden as a child, and now my collection of plant and fungi is unparralleled by any other private garden.

You made mention-in your defence of lycanthropes-to the afflicted being a normal wizard during most of the month. I have done extensive research on the topic-as you obviously have not. There is no 'wolf' and 'man'. There is simply a werewolf. I believe that is where the fear of the creatures come. They look like us, sound like us, act like us...but they are so different. They possess a strength we do not, a keenness of hearing and scent that we do not, and a streak of animalism that we do not. I believe, that deep down, we envy them. There is a vitality about them, a darkness about them, that draws us. As I said, I have done extensive research. I find them fascinating, truth be told.

It is amazing, how much these letters reveal of ourselves. I already have the measure of your character. You are a sensitive sort, but with a spine of steel. You are soft spoken, but adamant about your beliefs. And you have an infinite sadness to you that I find quite appealing. I have begun-despite my better judgment-to picture you in my minds eye. I can only imagine that you have very haunted eyes. I believe that you have had far more hardship in your life then you've let on so far. As have I. But some things are better left till later, don't you agree?

S.

Dear S.

I most heartily agree. There have been far worse trials in my life, but it's hard for me to talk about them. There is something that just won't let me go, that I just can't escape. It's what's caused my loneliness, and my recent lack of love. I'm not blaming it completely, but it is a large factor. I just can't leave it behind. And the thing is, I don't *want* to! I am quite happy with who I am. I like being me. I don't like what others think of me. I tell myself they're all just bigots, and idiots, and they don't know any better, but it's hard. 

You find werewolves intriguing, do you? That's interesting. And I have done a bit of research, just a bit more hands on then reading about things in books. I never looked at werewolves quite the way you do. I've never thought that anyone would envy them, or desire to be like them. They're shunned in our society, for the most part. They don't even rate a being classification. I can't see anyone wanting to live like that. I've had a rough life myself, and I would do quite a bit to trade it in. I'm poor, and I'm very often forced to live hand-to-mouth. I was able to hold down a steady job for nearly a year, but again that thing interfered. 

I know next to nothing about plants. History is my main subject. And the Dark Arts. Not the Dark Arts themselves, but Defence Against. I can't transfigure to save my life, and my potions skills are severely lacking. Not to mention my predictions! No matter what I use, they always come out wrong.

You have my measure already, hmm? Well, I suppose you're very observant then. And what do you think of my character? I think you're wonderful. There's something about you that I'm drawn to. I have a burning desire to meet you, to see you. I've tried picturing you, but you gave me nothing to go on. I imagine you to have dark hair though, and blue eyes. Very intense eyes. And pale skin. Am I anywhere near right?

Yours,

R.

Dear R.

My eyes are not blue, by any means. They are black. But as for the rest, you are rather right. I already told you, I find you appealing. But I think it may still be too soon to meet. I know we have been exchanging letters for over a week now, but as I said I am cautious. Though I doubt you will change greatly in person, I cannot help but be wary. 

I can assure you, however, that you will want for nothing. I am rather well off, and have no quarrel with sharing my wealth. I am making no attempt to impress you, it is simple fact. 

I myself have quite an interest in the Dark Arts as well. I have made quite a study of them, both currently and in my youth. Too many wizards fear them, see them only as a tool of the Dark itself. I believe it is simply a case of fearing what we ourselves cannot grasp, or master. A spell is a spell, and may be used for good or ill, depending on whom is casting it. I fear little, be it man or spell. Life is too short to live it in fear. Though I have been on occasion told that life is too short to be bitter, but that is something I have little control over. I have grown bitter in my age, but I make no apologies for myself. I do not see the point in attempting to mold oneself to fit social and political standards. Why waste one's life? Perhaps I have made some ill choices in the past, but at least they were my own. 

Sincerely,

S.

Dear S.

I think we all make bad choices. I know I've made quite a few in my time. I'd like to say they were all my own, but...

I'm afraid I'm guilty of trying to live my life like other's wanted me too. It was easier, when I was younger. I hated to be a bother to anyone, and so I went along. I had a reputation for being very meek and quiet, which I'm not. I was seen as unassertive, polite and very low key. It was easier to just live up to that, rather then correct anyone. And then it just became a pattern, a habit. If I had the chance, I would have lived my life much differently then I did. I wasted a good part of my life, and I know that. I regret it, very much so now. I had so many chances to be so much more then I was, but they're gone now. 

Maybe people know that. They see how...defeated I feel. That can't be much of a turn on, can it? I suppose I'm heading for a midlife crisis. I've been on edge lately, anyway, and all these wonderful inner probings haven't been helping. In looking for someone else, I've been finding myself. And I don't really like what I see. I try so hard to make everything easier for others. I've existed, to make life go smoothly for other people. I want to start living for myself, but I don't see how. I can't be selfish. I try, but then I get angry at myself. What right do I have to be selfish? What right do I have to want? I can't explain it any better then that. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?

Love,

R.

Dear R.

I understand where you are coming from. You have every right to want, and to indulge in selfishness. What is the point of life, if not lived for yourself? I may not be a well liked man, but I am pleased with myself. I know I am my own man, and that is all that matters in the end. 

I believe I am ready to meet. If only to ascertain what you are claiming is true. (Your crushing selflessness, I mean.) I am extensively traveled, so simply name the place where you wish to meet. 

S.

Dear S.

I'm practically giddy! Do you know the Marksman? In Cantershire? I can meet you there in three days, at five o'clock...

R.

Dear R.

I know of the place, and the time is agreeable to me. I shall be waiting for you. I look forward to meeting you in person, as I am certain you do as well. Until then...

S.

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	3. Chapter Three

  
  


Warning: This is still slash. And we have some actual slash action! Yay!

  
  


Dedication: This one's for everyone who's reviewed. Thank you for making this my most popular story! It's fun to write, and I think I may keep up with it.

  
  


Author's Note: I don't know if this is going to be the last part or not. It could go either way, actually. I really do like this story though, Remus/Severus is one of my favorite pairings. And quite a few other folks, as well. :-) So enjoy!

  
  


A Personal Affair, 

Chapter Three

  
  
  
  
  
  


Remus had dressed in his best, which, on reflection, left much to be desired. //Well, at least there's no holes.// He sighed, smoothing his dark brown sweater over his stomach. At least it was clean, and if it was well worn...well, it was well loved. The same with his faded jeans, and scuffed boots. His hair was clan and brushed back, and he felt confident in his appearance. //What if he doesn't like me? What if he's able to tell? What if...// But Remus pushed those thoughts aside. He took a deep breath, staring at the door of the Marksman. It was now or never. He realized how stupid this whole thing was. He was going to meet a man whose name he didn't even know, but whom he was half in love with already, on the grounds of spending the rest of their lives together. //I think I'm making a mistake...//

  
  


The inside of the Marksman was dark and familial. There was a warm, cozy atmosphere that Remus highly enjoyed. There were a few tables down below the bar, and a waitress or two wandered aimlessly about. Remus' eyes scanned the room anxiously, and his heart lurched into his throat.

  
  


//Oh god no...what's *he* doing here?// 

  
  


Sitting in a corner of the room was a man that Remus least wanted to see. //He's going to ruin this for me...he's going to see me, and he's going to say something, and he's going to ruin this...//

  
  


The werewolf was tempted to bolt for the door, write to his literary paramour that something had come up, and reschedule. If only to avoid the disaster of having Severus Snape in the same pub! Unfortunately, Snape had seen him. The other wizard's eyes flicked towards the door, and a sardonic eyebrow was raised upon seeing Remus. //Wonderful. Now I have to say something.// Remus took a deep breath, forced his unbidden scowl into a polite smile, and headed down to greet his old classmate. 

  
  


"Severus." He said, voice callm and placid.

  
  


"Lupin. Wasn't expecting to see *you* here." Snape had a drink and was leaning back in his chair. //That's rather sad, if he's sitting here drinking by himself.//

  
  


"Really? You must not come here often then." He forced a laugh, trying to remain light and friendly. Remus dropped by at least once a week.

  
  


"No, I don't. I can assure you, this is not the sort of place *I* frequent by choice." He scoffed, eyes trailing over the room. Remus was suddenly struck by the fact that Severus was not wearing robes. He was dressed in a finely tailored black sweater and slacks. //That's just bizarre...//

  
  


"Well, I find it to be a quite comfortable place." 

  
  


"You know Lupin, have you ever thought to be anything other then drearily cheerful? I know it's your nature, but it is damn annoying!"

  
  


"Well, I don't really care Severus." Remus said, voice still pleasant. "My nature is my nature, and if you'll excuse me, I'm here to meet someone." He allowed himself 

  
  


a small frown, enough to show irritation. He started to turn, but he felt Severus' hand on his wrist, suddenly.

  
  


"You're here to meet someone?" There was an urgent sound in Severus' voice. "Who?"

  
  


"None of your concern." //What? Is he afraid I'm meeting another werewolf here? Some people...//

  
  


"It may well be." Severus shook back his hair, and looked rather intensely at Remus. The werewolf squirmed under the intense gaze, feeling rather as thought Snape 

  
  


were undressing him with his eyes.

  
  


"If you must know...I have a date." Hopefully that would be enough. "Why?"

  
  


"Because." Snape's voice had a strange note to it. "I am...here to meet someone as well."

  
  


"Wonderful. Let's make it a double." Remus said sarcastically. "I would *really* rather not be seen with you..."

  
  


"Fine. Just answer one question: You're not meeting someone you met through a personal add in the Dailey Prophet, are you?"

  
  


"How did you...?" Remus trailed off, puzzled. //How does Severus know about that? Or is he assuming, rubbing it in that he ruined my social life?//

  
  


"Because, Lupin..." And now Remus saw that Severus had begun to laugh. "Oh dear lord, this is too rich! Lupin, you're here to meet me!"

  
  


~~~~

  
  


The weight of that statement hit Remus like a ton of bricks. He sat down, not sure what else to do with his legs. //Severus? I'm here to meet Severus...?//

  
  


"This is highly amusing." Snape shook his head. "Oh, do relax. I hardly think it is worth all your dramatics."

  
  


"I think it is!" Remus said, resting his head on his hand. "All this...over you!"

  
  


"Yes, well, I suppose I could say the same." Severus raised an eyebrow, and Remus just shook his head. He couldn't even think. All this time, he had been baring his soul to one of his worst enemies. He had poured his heart and soul out to none other then Severus Snape.

  
  


"I'm sorry, this is just..." He trailed off again, just not able to finish a sentence.

  
  


"An amusing coincidence. This explains your fervent defense of lycanthropes. And your eyes are not brown, they're gold."

  
  


"Yes." Remus just nodded. His head was spinning.

  
  


"This truly is afecting you, isn't it?" Snape tilted his head, his black hair falling to obscure half of his face. "Would you like a drink?"

  
  


"I don't drink." //All right, just calm down. Take a deep breath. You can deal with this.// "I had no idea. I honestly didn't."

  
  


"Nor did I. Though I must say, it makes a few things easier. I do find you physically attractive, which was a fear I had. Despite your assurances. I am sure you can understand my hesitance to accept your claims on face value."

  
  


"Of course." Remus nodded. //Make the best of this...// "Thank you."

  
  


"I find it interesting that you failed to mention your lycanthropy...?"

  
  


"I thought that was something best discussed in person." Remus said, rather primly. "Though you certainly indicated that it wasn't a problem. I had no idea you had such an obsession with my kind."

  
  


"An interest, Lupin, an interest." Severus shrugged. "Now are we going to order anything, or are you simply going to sit there gawping?"

  
  


"I've stopped gawping." Remus mumbled. He felt like a small child who had been scolded by an older sibling. "And I'm not certain I can eat anything now."

  
  


"Am I that repulsive to you?" 

  
  


It was a soft question, with no malice, but one that still stopped Remus dead. //Why are you making this so difficult? You and Severus have had your problems in the past, but...//

  
  


"No, Severus." Remus shook his head. "I'm just still in shock, I think. You've...you've never been exactly kind to me."

  
  


"Nor you to me, if we must be fair."

  
  


"Not when we were younger, no. But the last time we met I was more then civil to you."

  
  


"Yes, you were." Severus nodded. "Let me get to the point: time is running short, for both of us. We are alone, lonely, and more then a bit bitter. I am looking at this as an opportunity. THrough our correspondence I have a new understanding of you. I know you now, in a way I never would have known you from our...rather terse relationship." 

  
  
  
  


"Yes." The werewolf had to admit that Severus was right. But Remus still had a hard time connecting the caustic, clever, charming man from his letters to Severus. It was like they were two different people. //But how well did you really know him? Hardly at all. You never bothered. Maybe if you had...//

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Would you like something to eat or not?" 

  
  


"Yes." Remus nodded. What could it hurt? "I suppose this is sort of funny."

  
  


"Intently humorous." Severus quirked his lips in an odd sort of half smile. //He *is* good looking.// Remus decided. //When he's not working.//

  
  


"Except when I remember you were going to turn me over to Dementors to have my soul destroyed a couple of years ago." Remus smiled sardonically, eager to hear what defense Severus would have for that.

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Yes. At the time it appeared obvious that you were a traitor. I take my responsibilities to my students quite seriously."

  
  


"Of course." Remus sighed. //He always has an answer for everything, doesn't he?//

  
  


"What do you wish to do?"

  
  


"I'm not entirely sure." Remus folded his hands on the table, thinking hard. He had come here, to meet the man he had half decided to spend the rest of his life with. And it turned out to be Severus. What did that really change? //You always get angry when people spurn you once they find out who you really are. Don't be a hypocrite...// "Maybe...maybe you're right. Sirius is going to kill me, you realize." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"I certainly don't care what *he* thinks." Severus waved an elegant hand in dismissal. "This choice is ours, and ours alone. I'd like to give it a go, if you would."

  
  


"Well..." Remus sighed. //Nothing gambled, nothing gained, they say.// "Yes. I think I would."

  
  


"Thank god! I was beginning to think that dragging myself out to this rural hell-hole was a complete waste of my time." Severus shook his head, cringing a bit. "You can't honestly enjoy this place..."

  
  
  
  
  
  


"It's one of my favorites." Remus said, smiling shyly. "But if it offends you that much..."

  
  


"It does." 

  
  


"We can always go somewhere else." Remus conceded.

  
  


"There would be little point. Let us simply eat." Severus snapped his fingers, to get the attention of one of the waitress'.

  
  


"Severus!" Remus couldn't believe the rather rude gesture. "That was uncalled for!"

  
  


"We're ready to order, I have no desire to wait." The potions master shrugged, and turned his attention to the annoyed looking waitress who made her way over. 

  
  


"We would like a bottle of your best wine, and whatever today's specials are."

  
  


"Severus!" Remus hissed again. //Now he's ordering for me? And I told him I don't drink!// The waitress said nothing, simply took the order and left. "I am quite capable of ordering for myself!"

  
  


"I am aware. But that saved time. And as little time spent here, the better." Severus gave a bit of a sardonic smile.

  
  


"That eager to get me home, are you?" Remus said, with a bit of a coy smile.

  
  


"Quite amusing." Severus gave him a mild sneer, and then shook his head. "You've a mind in the gutter."

  
  


"Sometimes." Remus shrugged. Their food came, and Remus wrinkled his nose at it. //I hate fish.// "But that does raise quite a question...I live here, in the middle of no where. You live...elsewhere."

  
  
  
  
  
  


"I live outside of London, yes distance is an issue. But again, I have every intention of moving you into my home."

  
  


"That's fine...but I come with accesories." He gave a small laugh. "I have Sirius with me. Are you prepared to move him in, as well?"

  
  


"Dear lord..." Severus narrowed his eyes dangerously. "I have no desire to have Black beneath my roof."

  
  


"Then you'r egoing to have to live without me for a bit." Remus reminded him. "I can't just leave him alone in my house. First of all, he'll wreck it. I know he won't mean to, but when he gets bored...second of all, Dumbledore asked that I look out for him. I can't do that in London, unless he's with me."

  
  
  
  
  
  


"He'll never agree to it."

  
  


"He won't have much of a choice. Look, it comes down to this: do you want me, or not? Forget about Sirius, or anything else. Do you want me?" Remus was surprised to find that he was quite anxious to hear what Severus had to say to that. //Does he want me? Why wouldn't he? Why *would* he? He's going to tell me to bugger off. He's going to tell me this was all a mistake. Or he'll say that he doesn't want me that much...// 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Do I want you? Of course I do. I wouldn't still be here, did I not."

  
  


"Really?" Remus broke into a wide smile. "Then you're going to have to put up with Sirius. I'm sorry, Severus, but that's just the way things are."

  
  


"Well, nothing worth having comes free." Severus sighed. "But I will have you know I am quite displeased at this turn of events."

  
  


"You can be. Honestly, I'm not too happy about it either. Sirius is going to make a relationship difficult."

  
  


"I don't care. I'll bend you over a table in front of him if I feel like it."

  
  


"Severus! And you say *I* have a gutter mind?"

  
  


"I never said I did not." He gave a small half smile, and Remus felt himself warming suddenly to the other man. 

  
  


"I'll handle Sirius." Remus said. "When did you want me in?"

  
  


"You may go home and gather your things after we eat." Severus said. "This is he adress." He scribbled something on a bit of paper. 

  
  


"All right." Remus took it, and his fingertips brushed across Severus'. The small touch sent shivers up his spine. //Maybe being bent over a table wouldn't be a bad thing...// They finished their meal in silence, and left the resteraunt together. There was an awkward pause, and Remus struggled for something to say. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Er..." He started, turning to look into Severus' eyes. //They really are *dark*./

  
  


"At a loss for words, Lupin?"

  
  


"Please call me Remus." He said softly, taking Severus' hands in his. He felt somewhat strange, touching the other man so intimately. "I think we're beyond impersonality at this point.""Yes, I am prone to agree with you." Severus quirked his lips in a small smile. Remus swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry. His heart was pounding madly in his chest, and a small part of his brain took control. He leaned forward, closed his eyes, and brushed his lips very softly against Severus'. It was the merest butterfly of touches, but it was enough. He pulled away, blushing and glancing down at the ground.

  
  


"Modest, as well." Severus said softly. "I would never have guessed. If this how you react to our first kiss, I'm afraid you're going to be a bit of a bore in bed."

  
  


"Don't worry about that." Remus said, not stopping the grin that spread over his face. //He's insufferable!// "I'm sure I'll surprise you."

  
  


"I look forward to it. Now get get your things. And...that other thing you're bringing with you. I shall see you presently."

  
  


"Yes, you will." Remus said, his heart soaring inside of him. He had had no idea, when he first repsonded to that add, that anything so good would come of it. He watched Severus walking away, a small sigh escaping his lips. //You know, I really think this is going to work...//

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

  
  


It could end here, if I really wanted it too, but I may extend it.


	4. Chapter Four

  
  


Warning: Still slash.

  
  


Dedication: This is for...This is for Kerrie and Jim, for giving me a ride home tonight. Thanks guys!

  
  


Author's Note: This is short, but it's one of those in between chapters. Next chapter will be longer, I promise. I'm tired, I'm sore, and this was either going to be short, or very, very long. This note is also very short. ;-)

  
  


A Personal Affair

Chapter Four

  
  
  
  
  
  


//What am I going to tell him? What words do I use? How do I...?// Remus buried his head in his hands, standing outside the door to his cottage. //This is not going to go over well...// The odd joy he had been experiencing at the thought of actually spending the night with Severus. Now he had to tell Sirius about the wonderful new arrangements. //I'm just going to have to deal with it, I suppose.//

  
  


Remus opened the door, and saw Sirius sprawled out on the floor, a book open in front of him. //He must be very, very bored.//

  
  


"Hey!" Sirius leapt up, an expectant look on his face. "How'd it go?"

  
  


"Er...interesting." Remus said, smiling nervously.

  
  


"So...was he everything you thought he'd be? Ready to move in..." Sirius nudged Remus in the ribs conspiratorially. 

  
  


"Actually, yes." Remus' lips twitched a bit.

  
  


"You're kidding, right?" Sirius' face faltered. "I mean...planning on moving in with some guy you just met? That's sort of...crazy."

  
  


"Well, that's what we need to talk about." Remus composed his face as pleasantly as he took Sirius' hands. "See...I didn't just meet him, it turns out."

  
  


"Oh?"

  
  


"Yes. It turns out I know him already. Isn't that funny?"

  
  


"Yeah..." Sirius laughed. "Wow! What are the chances....but, did you guys hit it off?"

  
  


"You have no idea! He is snappy and sarcastic, but it's a part of his charm. And he's very well read. And he has a very witty sense of humor."

  
  


"All right, Remmie!" Sirius wrapped his arm around Remus' shoulder. "So...what now?"

  
  


"Well...he meant what he said. He wants me to live with him. And...I want to live with him. Or at least try it. I think this might work. And...like he said, we don't really have all that much time. I've found someone I actually really click with, and I don't want to let that just pass me by. I think...I don't know. I know I have some form of feelings for him, I just can't quite place them yet."

  
  


"Well...was there any physical action?"

  
  


"A kiss." Remus admitted. //Maybe...maybe I'll just casually forget to mention it's Severus. I can get away with that, can't I?//

  
  


"Did you feel anything?"

  
  


"God yes!" Remus sighed, and sank into the couch. His knees were weak just remembering. "It was divine! I can't even describe it. It was very brief, and nothing...well...nothing pornographic, but it was very nice. Nice! Nice is the understatement of the year!"

  
  


"Wow, Remmie, you're really nuts about this guy." Sirius looked generally happy for his friend.

  
  


"I am! I really, really am. I didn't think I would be. But there's just something..." Remus trailed off, not able to put feelings into words.

  
  


"No, I understand completely. Love at first sight, huh?"

  
  


"Something like that."

  
  


"So you're leaving me, huh?"

  
  


"God no!" Remus shook his head. "Dumbledore was very specific about us sticking together. Which means..."

  
  


"I can't." Sirius held out his hands in a helpless gesture. "I'm a wanted man."

  
  


"Er...that's actually not a problem." Remus had completely forgotten that aspect of things. //Thank god that Severus already knows!"

  
  


"Oh?"

  
  


"Mmm-hmm. He..er...he's aware of the situation..." Remus scratched at the back of his head, and suddenly found something very interesting to look at on the floor.

  
  


"Oh no! No, no no!"

  
  


"What?" Remus looked up, anxious expression on his face. "What are you 'oh no-ing'? I haven't tolf you yet..."

  
  


"I don't think you have to. I'm not as stupid as everyone thinks. It's someone who knows about me? There aren't too many. There's Harry and his friends; obviously it's none of them. There's Dumbledore, and I'm really thinking no on that one. There's McGonagall, who's a woman. And there's Snape." The last sentence was said with a vicious snarl, and Sirius dark brown eyes fixed Remus in a piercing gaze. "Remmie?"

  
  


"Yes?" Remus squirmed, avoiding looking Sirius head on.

  
  


"Please. If you love me, if you value my friendship, please don't tell me it's Snape."

  
  


"All right." Remus shrugged. "Now, I have to pack..."

  
  


"What?" Sirius grabbed Remus' arm as he went to walk by. "No. I can't believe you're trying to tell me what I think you're trying to tell me."

  
  


"I didn't tell you anything." Remus said. "You asked me not to."

  
  


"Yeah, yeah yeah." Sirius let go of Remus' arm quickly, and took a step back. "I just can't believe you..."

  
  


"And why not?" Remus folded his arms over his chest. "It's my life, my decision."

  
  


"That's dragging me along with it!" Sirius exclaimed. "You want to go...do whatever it is you do with Snape, okay fine. That is none of my business. And I'd be pissed, but I wouldn't say anything to you, I'd just bitch and moan about it in my head. But *I* have to live with him now. That's not going to work! And what does he think about it? He hates me as much as I hate him..."

  
  


"He may hate you, but he...he cares about me." Remus said, again dropping his eyes before returning to meet Sirius' gaze. "And he's willing to put up with you, to be with me." //I'm so close...// Remus was in a panic! Sirius was going to ruin everything...though he did have a point. But Remus didn't want to let this opportunity pass him by!

  
  


"You're kidding, right? He's going to accept me into his house, just so he can shack up with you?"

  
  


"Yes, Sirius." Remus' tone was brisk and clipped. "Hard as it may be for you to accept that I *mean* something to someone, you're going to have to try."

  
  


"I didn't mean it like that!" Sirius threw up his hands. "You're an amazing person, and there are plenty of people who would fall head over heels for you...but Snape?"

  
  


"Severus is a much different person then we thought." Was all Remus said. "Please, Sirius..."

  
  


"Please what?"

  
  


"Please do this...for me?" Remus grabbed Sirius' hands, eyes wide and lower lip trembling. "It means so much to me..."

  
  


"Oh shit Remmie..." Sirius scrubbed his hands over his face. "Why do you have to pull that card with me?"

  
  


"Because it's true!" Remus was practically bouncing on his feet. 

  
  


"All right, all right, fine." Sirius groaned, obviously not happy about his decision. "But I'm not happy about it. Me and him are not to be alone together, ever. In fact, I want to spend as much time *away* from him as possible."

  
  


"That's fine!" Remus nodded. "Thank you, Sirius." He stood on tiptoe, and kissed his friend lightly on the cheek. "I'm going to go pack!

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Short, but sweet! :-)


	5. Chapter Five

  
  


Warning: Male on male snogging!

  
  


Dedication: For all the fans, and everyone who believes in true love!

  
  


Author's Note: Another day, another update. Sitting here, watching Survivor, and hacking out the next part in this series. I can't seem to write anything other then Severus/Remus stuff lately. I have a few Peter ideas, but they just aren't coming. :-( But I like this story.

  
  


A Personal Affair

Chapter Five

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Severus Snape raised an eyebrow, surveying his bedroom with a critical eye. He had had to rearrange a few things, to allow for another person to live there. Drawers were cleared, closet space provided, and room on desk and bureau tops made. Considering the fact that he felt he knew Lupin rather well, Severus had no intentions of slowly building a relationship. In his mind, everything had been decided. There was a spare room for Black, as far away from the master bedchamber as possible. 

  
  


//I cannot believe I am allowing that damn man into my home.// Severus folded his arms, glaring at nothing. //And for what? Lupin. I certainly never saw myself with *him*.// But life was funny that way, and Severus had long ago stopped being picky. There was little time now, and he had no desire to die alone.

  
  


//I believe I can love him.// That was enough. There was certainly an affection there already. And a physical attraction. Lupin was quite desirable. He had a certain wild and rugged look to him, in the way his hair fell in casual waves, and the way his eyes changed from light amber to dark gold depending on his moods. And of course his slightly weathered skin, his strong chin...//And he certainly looked to be in rather good form.//

  
  


//I can put up with slight prima donna tendencies. If he still retains those. And I know exaclt what buttons to push to raise his anger. He keeps it rather pent in, but he'll have to release it somewhere. In bed is as good a place as any...//

  
  


That was another point. Severus had every intention of taking Lupin to bed that night. He had no idea what the other mans sexual experience had been, but he didn't quite care. If his experimentations had been tame, they would not remain so. //What is the point of life, if not to experience it? Whatever Lupin may think of me, he is in for quite a surprise.//

  
  


Black was the only thing standing in the way of Severus actually looking forward to Lupin's arrival. He hated the man, for more reasons then simply the incident where he tried to kill him. Black had been a thorn in his side since his first year of school. Tripping him, destroying his schoolwork, hexing him...the list went on and on. And now he would have to share his home with him. 

  
  


//As long as he stays out of my way...// Severus sighed, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He could feel a headache coming on. What a horrible mess this had turned into. //My own fault, for placing that ridiculous ad. That's what I get for drinking two bottles of gin...// He shook his head, and smoothed his sweater. He wasn't *nervous* per say, he was simply...waiting. With nothing to do. 

  
  


//What is taking him so long?// Had Black made things that difficult? And would Lupin listen to his friend, if an argument were posed? Perhaps Black would help Lupin to 'see mor clearly'. //I shall kill him thrice over, if he does.//

  
  


Despite problems in the past, Severus had grown increasingly fond of the werewolf. Through letters, and over dinner, a certain bond had been formed. //He is on the shy side. But he kisses rather well. And I believe we would compliment each other nicely.// He made his way through he large house-about twenty rooms in all-and to the parlor. He sat back in his favorite chair, and waited.

  
  


***

  
  


"Just behave yourself." Remus reminded Sirius, who just grumbled and shrugged his shoulders. Remus frowned, dropping his bag by his feet. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. It took a few moments, but Severus opened it and inclined his head to Remus.

  
  


"Lupin." He said, eyes traveling up and down Remus' form again. 

  
  


"Severus." Remus smiled warmly, and was rewarded by the slightest curving of Severus' lips. He retrieved his bag, and Severus stepped back to allow them inside. He seemed to be ignoring Sirius, which was fine. They could ignore each other all they wanted.

  
  


"You have a beautiful home." Remus breathed. Even from the outside, he could tell. It was an old home, stone and wood and ivy. The inside did not disappoint! Severus seemed to have taken decorating tips from the early renaissance period. 

  
  


"Damn gaudy, if you ask me." Sirius muttered under his breath, and Remus elbowed him discreetly. 

  
  


"Thank you." Severus led them up a large double staircase, and pointed down the hall. "*You* will be staying down there." He snapped, eyes flicking momentarily to Sirius. "Remus..." He turned towards the other end of the house. Remus gave Sirius an encouraging little smile and followed after Severus.

  
  


"He's promised to behave." Remus said, as soon as Sirius was out of ear shot.

  
  


"I honestly don't care." Severus said. "Here." He opened a door, and Remus gasped. The master bedroom-that was what it had to be!-was beautiful. The bed was a heavy mahogany canopy bed, green satin drapes hanging down to the floor, half obscuring black satin sheets. The rug was thick and looked amazingly soft, and was colored a dark green. All the furniture was all mahogany, large and intricately carved.

  
  


"Impressed?" A note of humor in Severus' voice.

  
  


"I just came from a two room cabin." Remus said, turning to meet Severus' eyes. "I am *very* impressed."

  
  


"Good." Severus smiled slightly, and placed his hands on Remus' waist. Remus felt a sudden rush inside of himself. He closed his eyes, and leaned in for a long and leisurely kiss. He leaned into Severus, enjoying the feel of his lips. He aligned his body against Severus', all sense of time leaving him completely.

  
  


"Hold me." Remus breathed, as Severus pulled away. He didn't think he could stand. 

  
  


"You've been alone a long time, haven't you?"

  
  


"You know I have been." Remus rested his head on Severus' shoulder. A part of him was detached, and could not believe the situation. The rest of him felt this was *right*. "But it doesn't matter now."

  
  


"Mmmm." Severus said nothing, but held Remus lightly in his embrace. 

  
  


"Still not much for sentiments."

  
  


"No." Severus kissed Remus on the top of his head. "Now...down to business. Your drawers are here." Severus opened two drawers. "Put your personal affects where you wish. You may hang your robes in the closet."

  
  


"Thank you." Remus smiled, and forced himself to move. He had little in the way of personal things, and it took him hardly twenty minutes to put them away.

  
  


"Settled?" Severus asked. He had watched Remus in silence the entire time. It had been a bit uncomfortable, but Remus ignored it. He would have to get used to this, if he was going to be living with Severus.

  
  


"Yes, thank you." Remus turned, tucking an errant bit of hair back in place. Severus was simply sitting in a chair, legs crossed, watching him. //Why does it always feel like he's looking *through* me?// It had always been that way. 

  
  


"Good." Severus raised an eyebrow, hands folded in his lap. //What is he waiting for?// Which raised a very interesting question. What was going to happen when it was time to go to bed? Would they simply go to sleep or...? It was getting a bit late, and Remus had had a long day...

  
  


"It's getting time to turn in, isn't it?" Remus said, with a bit of a nervous hitch to his voice. It was starting to sink in, the whole gravity of the situation. 

  
  


"For you, maybe." Severus shrugged. "I tend to stay up late."

  
  


"Ah." Remus nodded. "I turn in early."

  
  


"We will adjust." Severus said. 

  
  


"I'm going to get ready for bed, if that's all right...?"

  
  


"Remus, you have no need to ask my permission." Severus snapped. "The bathroom is next door."

  
  


"I'll be back in a bit then." Remus said, still nervous. He grabbed a nightshirt, and forced himself to walk to the bathroom, rather then run. //Damn.// He washed his face repeatedly in the sink, splashing cold water on his face. //What now?// It had been a *very* long time since Remus was physically intimate with anyone. 

  
  


//You can handle this. It's not like you're a virgin.// Remus changed into his nightshirt, and stood up. //This is no big deal. And...if you really don't want to, no one's going to make you.// He ran a hand through his hair, brushed his teeth, and headed back to the bedroom...

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	6. Chapter Six

  
  
  
  


Warning: Oh...as graphic slash as an R rating will allow me. 

  
  


Dedication: For all you Severus/Remus fans out there. Lord, but I love this pairing!

  
  


Author's Note: Mmmm. Smut! Very soft core smut, but smut all the same. Isn't it a wonderful thing? Things heat up a bit in this chapter, in more ways then one! Enjoy!

  
  


A Personal Affair

Chapter Six

  
  
  
  


"Are you coming to bed or not?"

  
  


Remus tensed, his breath catching in his throat. He had been standing awkwardly just inside the door for about five minutes. Severus was already *in* bed. He was propped up against a few pillows, book in his hands, covers up to his waist, and shirtless.

  
  


//Oh god...// Remus wasn't sure if his knees were going to hold. Severus wasn't going to win any awards, but the sight of his slim, smooth chest was enough to drive sex-starved Remus to rampant desire. 

  
  


"Er...yes." Remus finally managed to gasp out. He was trembling, and Severus was just watching him. 

  
  


"Then what's taking you so long." Severus placed his book aside, and folded his arms. //Those eyes...// 

  
  


"I just...I Remus took a shaking step forward. It suddenly seemed as though the bed was miles away. He would never be able to make the entire distance. And he felt rather shabby in his worn and faded night shirt.

  
  


"I'm sorry." He said, shaking his head. "I'm..." He couldn't even find the words. He took a step back, his heart pounding in his chest. What was he doing? What the hell was he doing?

  
  


"Changing your mind *now*, Lupin?" Severus asked, black eyes narrowing.

  
  


"Not exactly..." Remus was shaking, and he clenched his fists to try and steady himself. "I just...it's been a very long time. And I get self consious, and nervous, and..."

  
  


"Remus, shut up and get over here." Severus snapped. 

  
  


"Excuse me?" The harsh tone shocked Remus, and helped him get a hold of himself. 

  
  


"I want to make love you to you, and I can't do it with you halfway across the room." 

  
  


"You..I...Severus..." Remus was having difficult forming words. //He does want sex. He wants to sleep with me. Oh god...I don't think I can...//

  
  


"Remus." Severus threw off the covers and stood up. He *was* wearing boxer shorts. Black ones. "You've no need to be nervous."

  
  


"I can't help it." Remus shrugged helplessly. "It's been so long from me...I've only had one relationship, and that was back in school..."

  
  


"Oh?" Severus tilted his head. "Who?"

  
  


"Peter." Remus was almost ashamed to admit it now. 

  
  


"Ah." Severus just nodded. "That was a long time ago. And though it may have been a while, I assure you, nothing has changed."

  
  


"I know." Remus looked down, and he smelled Severus coming closer, putting his hands on his shoulders. "I just..." He sighed. His reserves were really rather stupid. "I guess I'm just a prude at heart."

  
  


"Hmm. And you assured me I wouldn't be disappointed in the bedroom..." Severus smiled slightly and kissed Remus gently, drawing him over to the bed. Remus was still trembling, and Severus could apparently tell it wasn't from pleasure. "I'm not going to break out handcuffs or any such nonsense." The Potions master assured him.

  
  


"I must be making a wonderful impression." Remus said, sighing. He let Severus draw him down onto the bed, where he just rested his head against the other mans shoulder. Bare shoulder. Smooth, silky, inviting, bare shoulder...

  
  


"Mmm." Severus moaned slightly as Remus ran his tongue lightly over his shoulder. //Maybe I just need to ease into things...// Remus thought to himself. He could smell Severus' excitement, and that was certainly helping.

  
  


"Kiss me..." Remus whispered, lifting his head to Severus' once more. They fell in a tangle of lips and legs back onto the bed, twisting in the sheets and covers, Remus' legs getting caught in the fabric. He let his tongue slip into Severus' mouth, exploring and tasting. He felt Severus' hands on his back, slipping under the nightshirt to play across his bare skin. 

  
  


"Feeling better?" Severus mumbled, kissing at Remus' neck.

  
  


"Much." Remus smiled as Severus helped him slip out of his nightshirt, pressing his bare hip against him, molding their bodies together. Soon, both were naked, twining in the sheets, writhing and moaning against one another. It was over too soon, as far as Remus was concerned.

  
  


"Good lord." Remus muttered, attempting to extricate himself from the blankets and sheets.

  
  


"Having difficulty?" Severus was lying on his back, breathing hard. Both men were covered in a fine sheen of sweat.

  
  


"Just a bit." Remus pulled at on bit of sheet, and found himself toppling out of bed. "Damn it!" He sat up, rubbing the small of his back.

  
  


"For the love of God, Remus, get back into bed." Severus offered down a hand to help him, and with a bit of work, both men were settled under the covers, curled up next to each other.

  
  


"That was quite nice." Remus said, tucking his head against Severus' shoulder.

  
  


"I am inclined to agree." 

  
  


"Thank you." Remus closed his eyes, just taking in Severus' scent. He was drained and exhausted, and completely relaxed. It was a good feeling.

  
  


"No reservations?" Severus pushed.

  
  


"None." Remus shook his head, cheek sliding smoothly against Severus' skin. 

  
  


"And Black...?"

  
  


"Will learn to live with it." Remus hoped his tone put an end to any more questions or comments about Sirius. "I'm happy. That should be all that matters."

  
  


"Should is the operative word."

  
  


"Yes, well, there's really nothing to discuss." Remus looked up, frowning slightly. "What he thinks doesn't matter, and that's the end of it."

  
  


"Fine." Severus' voice held a tinge of frost, and Remus realized that Sirius would always be a wedge between them. Especially when he was sharing a home with them. What would Sirius do, if Remus was affectionate to Severus in front of him? Or if they shared some private joke? It wasn't something he wanted to deal with. Right then, he just wanted to sleep, content in Severus' arms.

  
  


***

  
  
  
  


Down the hall, Sirius was not a happy camper. Remus, it seemed, was quite loud. Loud enough to be heard all the way down the hall. Of course, Sirius had been unconsciously *listening*, but still...

  
  


"Disgusting." He muttered, pacing the length of his rather small guest room. He could only imagine what was going on in the master bedroom. Except that he didn't want to. At all. Remus' sexuality was no problem, it was Snape. Why did it have to be Snape?

  
  


//Stupid, greasy git. Wish he'd just drop dead.// Sirius punched his pillow, anger rising. //How can Remmie like a bastard like that?// It didn't make sense to him. //He's nothing but an arrogant...//

The pillow went sailing across the room. Remmie deserved so much better! 

  
  


//This isn't going to last. I'm not going to let it. Remmie'll understand. It's for the best...he can do much better then Snape...//

  
  


~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Hehehe. Mean old Sirius...


	7. Chapter Seven

  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


Warning: More good slashiness!

  
  


Dedication: To Chris, for the awesome night...

  
  


Author's Note: We see Remus' dark in this installation. And we feel ab it bad for Sirius...well, not really. Things get intense! What will happen next? :-)

  
  


A Personal Affair

Chapter Seven

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


//Good lord, what have I done?// Remus awoke suddenly, heart racing as he adjusted to his unfamiliar surroundings. Severus was lying next to him, turned in he opposite direction. Remus took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. He hated waking un in a strange place. 

  
  


"All right?"

  
  


It seemed Severus was awake as well.

  
  


"Just disoriented." Remus raked his hair out of his eyes, falling back against the pillows. "Sleep well?"

  
  


"Quite. And you?"

  
  


"Strange dreams..." Remus muttered, staring up at the canopy above him. He couldn't quite remember them, but he knew they were the reason he had awoken so suddenly. 

  
  


"Mmm." Severus rolled over, looking at Remus. //Why does he always stare at me?// It made the werewolf a bit uncomfortable.

  
  


"So..." Remus smiled nervously, forcing himself to think of something to say.

  
  


"Why do you insist wit filling every minute with useless chatter?" Severus propped himself up on his elbow.

  
  


"Er..." Remus paused. "It's better then just laying here, not saying anything."

  
  


"Why?"

  
  


"Because." He had to admit he had no good answer. 

  
  


"Have you ever heard of something called a comfortable silence?"

  
  


"No." Remus shook his head. "But I'm *very* familiar with uncomfortable silences."

  
  


"Come here." Severus drew Remus closer, one hand idly stroking the side of the werewolf's face. "Now just lie still, and be quiet."

  
  


"All right." Remus sighed, a little apprehensive. Severus' fingers trailed over his cheeks, his lips, his eyes...caressing every part of his face. It certainly felt good, and Remus decided he liked the intense way Severus was looking at him. There was something very sultry about it.

  
  


Severus' fingers moved downwards, over his neck and chest. They were feather light touches, but they were beginning to make Remus squirm with anticipation. And then Severus stopped, his hand resting comfortably on Remus' stomach. Remus smiled up at his lover, wanting nothing more then to pull the other man down and ravage him.

  
  


"You see?" Severus finally said, quietly.

  
  


"Mmm." Remus lifted his head, capturing Severus' lips in a kiss. "You're beautiful." He mumbled.

  
  


"And you truly are hopelessly romantic." Severus returned the kiss, rolling over on top of Remus to pin him down. They engaged in a brief erotic tussle, ending in the two of them sprawled across the covers, sweating and panting.

  
  


"Do I get to look forward to that every morning?" Remus asked, gasping.

  
  


"No." Severus shook his head. 'Consider it a welcoming gift."

  
  


"Welcome, indeed." Remus rolled over, draping himself casually over the other man. "I'm starving..."

  
  


"I can imagine." Severus stood, stretching as he did so. Remus smiled, enjoying the view. "Come along...the house elves should have breakfast ready."

  
  


"Good." Remus stood up, and grabbed his bathrobe out of the closet. Severus had already moved to the bathroom. //Wow.// Remus sat down for a moment, gathering his wits about him. He was still a bit weak kneed from the morning's activities. When the bathroom was free, he cleaned himself up a bit, and followed Severus down to breakfast.

  
  


***

  
  


//Oh...this is going to be fun.// Remus forced his features into a bland mask. Sirius was already at the table, looking cross and unrested. 

  
  


"Good morning." Remus said pleasantly, taking a seat. //Maybe I should have gotten dressed...// 

  
  


"I'll bet." Sirius said, sarcastically.

  
  


"Er...did you sleep well? I dare say it's more comfortable here then my cottage..." He was desperate to make things as light and pleasant as possible. Severus was ignoring Sirius completely.

  
  


"Actually, I didn't sleep well at all." Sirius snapped, eyes narrowing. But for some reason, his anger this morning seemed directed at Remus, not Severus.

  
  


"Why not?" Remus asked, honestly baffled.

  
  


"Let's just say...walls are pretty damn thin around here." Sirius said, pointedly. 

  
  


"Ah...oh!" Remus could feel himself flushing ten different shades of red. //No...there's no way he could have heard us...could he have?//

  
  


"Ah. Yes." Severus said, flipping through the pages of the Dailey Prophet. "Sound has a way of traveling at night. There is such a thing as a silencing charm, Black."

  
  


"Yeah, there is." Sirius shot back.

  
  


"All right, all right, please..." Remus sighed. "Let's not get into this. Sirius, I am sorry...I had no idea..."

  
  


"I know, I know." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Look, never mind. Just...keep it down, all right?"

  
  


"Yes." Remus nodded.

  
  


"Black, this is my home and I will not have you telling me what I can and cannot do." Severus would make things difficult, wouldn't he?

  
  


"Both of you!" Remus turned to Severus. "Sev...Sirius dropped it. It's over with now. Let's just have breakfast?"

  
  


"This isn't going to work." Sirius stood up, shoving his chair back from the table. "I'm sorry Remmie, but it's not."

  
  


"Sirius..."

  
  


"Sit down, Black." Severus snapped.

  
  


"No." Sirius shook his head. "I'm going to my room." He stormed off, grumbling under his breath. Remus excused himself, and jogged off after his friend. Things couldn't be like this. Sirius and Severus were going to have to learn to live with each other.

  
  


"Sirius..."

  
  


"Look, Remmie, I don't want to talk about it. I'm still scarred from last night..."

  
  


"Oh, so you heard a few...loud moments." Remus waved his hand. "We all had to put up with you bringing girls back to the dorm, so I don't want to hear it."

  
  


"It wasn't a few loud 'moments', Remmie." Sirius turned, leaning his back against the wall. "Do you ave any idea how loud you are?"

  
  


"No..." Remus bit his lower lip.

  
  


"Really loud. I'm sorry, but I heard pretty much everything you said..." Sirius was looking at him half in awe, half in disgust.

  
  


"You...You're..." Sirius shook his finger at him.

  
  


"What? I'm what, Sirius?" Remus was getting upset. 

  
  


"Nothing." Sirius looked at the ground, shaking his head.

  
  


"No. I'm sorry that I enjoy physical intimacy. I'm sorry that I'm verbally expressive. But it has been a very long time since I was intimate with anyone, and I had quite a bit frustration to get out." Remus was not going to let Sirius make him feel ashamed or guilty.

  
  


"Look, fine." Sirius held up is hands. "You know what...fuck as loudly as you want. I'm writing to Dumbledore, and I'm getting my arse out of here. Then you can do it on the god damn dining room table, if you want to!"

  
  


"We don't have to wait till you're gone!" Remus yelled back. "We will do what we please, where we please. You are a guest in this house..."

  
  


"So are you!" Sirius grabbed Remus by the collar, succeeding only in enraging the werewolf more. "I don't know what the fuck you think is going on, ut I do! You're a convenient little lap dog that'll be sent the pound as soon as he's tired of you..."

  
  


"Get. Your. Hands. Off. Me." Remus growled, carefully enunciating each word. "Now."

  
  


"Not until you listen to me!" Sirius pulled Remus closer, which proved to be a very stupid move. Remus threw Sirius hands off of him, and slammed the other man against the wall. 

  
  


"You listen to me." Remus' voice had a dangerous edge that was unusual for the quiet man. "If you ever, *ever* say anything like that again, I will make you regret it. You are my friend Sirius, but I will not tolerate slander such as that. I don't think *you* know what is going on here. So keep your mouth shut, and stay in your room. Stay out of our way, and maybe we can live in some semblance of peace. But I am not going to put up with any verbal abuse from you, let alone physical. Am I understood?"

  
  


"Yeah..." Sirius' eyes were wide with fear, and Remus let go of his friend, sucking in a deep breath. He had frightened himself, a bit. 

  
  


"Good." Remus straitened his robe, and swallowed nervously. "I'm sorry I got so violent with you. I just lost my temper."

  
  


"Yeah." Sirius nodded, seeming quelled. "I'm gonna go back to my room now. I...I need some time." He was looking at Remus differently now, and the werewolf felt like a complete arse. //Why did I do that? Why can't I control myself?//

  
  


"Of course. I think I do, as well. A shower and a walk sounds very good right about now." Remus was still smiling nervously, as Sirius just nodded and walked-slowly-back to his room. Remus leaned against the wall, and slumped down, shaking uncontrollably.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	8. Chapter Eight

  
  


Warning: Still slashy.

  
  


Dedication: Um...to whoever wants it.

  
  


Author's Note: Sirius makes some damn good points in here. :-)

  
  


A Personal Affair

Chapter Eight

  
  
  
  


Remus was *not* supposed to behave that way. He was quiet, and meek, and unobtrusive. He was not angry, or loud, or aggressive. Sirius was not happy. And a little bit afraid to boot. What had happened? 

  
  


//I guess...I guess I just pushed him too far.// Well, it had been bound to happen someday. A man could only take so much, Sirius supposed. //I guess I better take it easy.// But it was difficult. *Very* difficult. Especially when he had to listen to *them* going at it all night.

  
  


//And Snape's not making this any easier.// He hated the bastard, that was all there was to it. The man was a git, who held a grudge for far too long. Not that Sirius should be talking. //I hate this. Why do I have to be here?// He threw himself down on his bed, crossing his arms. 

  
  


He knew there were much greater things to be worried about, but he couldn't keep his mind off of his current situation. //If I didn't hate Snape so much, this would be pretty damn funny.//

  
  


Tired of staying in his room already, Sirius decided to risk the rest of the manor. He emerged from his room, wandering down the hall. It really was a nice house. //Stupid bastard comes from money, too.// He kicked at the rug, feeling like a little boy who had been put in his place by a lenient parent or guardian. 

  
  


He found the library, and decided to just stay there. He could read for the day, that would help take is mind off of things. He poked through various books and articles, before settling on an adventure novel. He flopped down in a large leather chair and placed his feet up on a table, making himself quite comfortable.

  
  


He read for about an hour before being startled by a dry cough somewhere behind him. He nearly dropped the book-which happened to be quite good-and leapt to his feet.

  
  


"Oh. You." Sirius narrowed his eyes immediately at the sight of Snape standing in the doorway, arms folded. He picked up his book and sat back down, pointedly ignoring the sour faced man. 

  
  


"You are in my home, Black, you will show some respect."

  
  


"No I won't." Sirius buried his face in the book, gritting his teeth. 

  
  


"You will." Snape crossed the room quickly and snatched the book from Sirius' hands. "You are living here, and we will set up a few ground rules."

  
  


"I should have stayed in my damn room..." Sirius grumbled, standing up and shoving past Snape.

  
  


"Black, you will stay here and listen to me." Snape grabbed Sirius' arm, throwing him back into the chair.

  
  


"Fine." Sirius folded his arms, not really caring what Snape had to say. He glared past he other man, eyes narrowed.

  
  


"First, you will keep a civil tongue." Snape said, briskly. "Second, you will refrain from upsetting Remus."

  
  


"Remus and I already had this little chat." Sirius snapped. 

  
  


"And now we are having it." Snape narrowed his eyes at Sirius, as if daring him to say something. Sirius kept his mouth shut, not wanting anything to get back to Remus. He had had quite enough of Remus' temper for one day.

  
  


"Are we done?" He said, glaring right back.

  
  


"For the moment." Snape inclined his head marginally and stepped aside in a silent signal that Sirius could leave. The larger man stood, taking care to shove roughly past the Potions Master once more, just for effect. And to soothe his rather bruised ego.

  
  


//I never asked to come here. I never wanted to come here. Why do I have to follow all the rules? What the hell do they expect me to do? Just sit tight and completely rearrange my shitty little life for them?// He supposed that was what was bothering him. How was he being selfish?

He didn't have much going for him. He was in hiding, forced to live with one of his worst enemies. He couldn't leave the house, except as a giant dog. He had to listen to his best friend have sex with said enemy, and he was yelled at for being openly angry about it. 

  
  


//What right does Remus have to be mad at me? After all I'm going through for him! I'm not being selfish here!//

  
  


He returned to his room, throwing himself down on the bed. He supposed he would just spend the next few weeks in there, avoiding both Remus and Snape. 


	9. Chapter Nine

  
  
  
  


Warning: Still slashy.

  
  


Dedication: For everyone who's putting up with the few and far between updates. On vacation, among other things.

  
  


Author's Note: I have got to learn: If I'm wearing a jacket and a low cut shirt, the jacket is not going to protect my chest from a sunburn. Maybe this will help me remember. Spent the day at Sea World and got horribly burnt. Again. Why can't I just tan like normal people? ::shakes head:: Ah well. At least I was able to sit my ass down and actually write a new chapter.

  
  


A Personal Affair

Chapter Nine

  
  
  
  


It was four hours after the incident with Sirius, and Remus was still shaking. He had *never* lost his temper quite like that before. He had actually raised his hand in anger towards a good friend. He hadn't been thinking, he had only been acting. And the thought terrified him.

  
  


Remus had never considered himself a violent person. In fact, he spent most of the past two years attempting to convince people he was the exact opposite. He was calm, and docile, and above all he was in control of himself. And today he had nearly lost it all.

  
  


//I really need to get a hold of myself.// Perhaps Sirius had been right. Perhaps this situation wasn't going to work out. But all Remus could remember was the sheer joy he had felt he night before. And in the morning. Severus wasn't afraid to touch him, to hold him, to make love to him. Severus seemed to enjoy his company, under all of that ice and sneering. And Remus enjoyed his as well. But...

  
  


//There are some things more important then personal happiness.// And Sirius...well, Remus had to admit that Sirius had a point. They hadn't tried to compromise. He had been asked to make all the sacrifices. And that wasn't right.

  
  


//We need to work something out. And something a bit more then just remembering silencing charms.// Raking his hair out of his eyes, Remus turned back towards the house. He had spent most of his time wandering the grounds, getting himself familiar with them and just avoiding the house and it's two occupants. But he couldn't avoid them forever, he knew that.

  
  


Head hanging, he trudged up the stairs. He looked very much a child called to complete an unpleasant task, which was exactly what it was. He needed to talk with Sirius. Actually, legitimately *talk* with him. No yelling, no arguments, nothing of the sort. Just two mature adults having an in depth conversation.

  
  


Well, he could hope.

  
  


"Sirius?" His voice wavered as he knocked quietly at the door. There was no answer, but Remus knew the other man was inside. "Sirius...please...I want to apologize..." That worked. The door swung open, and a glowering Sirius moved out of the way to allow Remus entry.

  
  


"Sirius...I'm sorry." Remus said, as the black haired man threw himself down on his bed without a word. "I've been selfish...i realize this. You've been shunted about for the past two years, and now I'm thinking about myself and not giving one whit to how you actually feel."

  
  


"Thats a good start." Sirius said, rolling over and fixing a rather intent gaze on Remus. "Go on..."

  
  


"I know you and Severus don't get along." Remus said, sighing. Sirius was going to make this difficult for him. "And I shouldn't ask you to. And the fact that you're here, trying to do so for my sake means more then I can say. But! I know I shouldn't ask you to. It was selfish of me."

  
  


"It was." Sirius nodded.

  
  


"And now...well..." Remus didn't know what else to say. He'd apologized. What, exactly, did Sirius want from him.

  
  


"Now what?" Sirius sat up. "We're in a bad place, Remmie, and you know it. I can't ask you to leave, you can't ask me to say. Not without sounding like total gits. So where does that leave us?"

  
  


"With quite a problem." Remus sank down into a chair, shaking his head. "I don't know what to do. And...I know Severus isn't going to be exactly helpful. He's a good man, he's just...stubborn."

  
  


"That's one way of saying it."

  
  


"But we can't leave it like this. I'm...I'm sorry. About how I acted earlier. It was uncalled for..."

  
  


"Look, Remmie, don't even bring that up, okay?" Sirius held up his hands, forestalling anything else Remus may have said on the subject. It seemed it was closed, over and done with. And that was fine with Remus.

  
  


"There's going to have to be changes made around here." Remus finally said. "By *everyone*."

  
  


"I can live with that." Sirius said, though somewhat hesitantly. 

  
  


"Good. I think...much as I hate to say it, I think all three of us need to sit down and discuss this situation rationally. Otherwise it's not going to work."

  
  


"All rigth Remmie...let me say this much: I'm willing to try if he is. If he refuses to budge, if he keeps up this Lord of the Manor bullshit, then that's it. But if he makes some actual, real effort...then I can too."

  
  


"That's all I will ask of you Sirius." Remus said, solemnly. It was all he could. Severus was going to have to make sacrifices as well. And just putting Sirius up in his home was not enough. He would need to actually extend something to Sirius, try and make him comfortable. It really wasn't asking that much, and Severus kept saying about how if Sirius really cared...well damn Sirius, if *Severus* really cared he'd do the same.

  
  


"Then I can live with it." Sirius shrugged. "I do want you to be happy Remmie, but *I* want to be happy too. It's a damn hard thing for me, but I'd like a shot."

  
  


"I know...I know..." Remus nodded. "And I hope that soon all of this is over, and you won't have to hide anymore and you can have Harry and you can be happy."

  
  


"But until then..." Sirius raised his eyebrows made a helpless gesture with his hands.

  
  


"Until then I will do what I can to ease your life in whatever way possible." Remus promised. 

  
  


"Thank you." And it was clear Sirius genuinely meant it. 

  
  


"And I *promise* you that I will place a many silencing and blanketing charms as I know around the master bedroom!"

  
  


"Okay okay, no reminders!" Sirius made another grimace, but then he offered a small smile.

  
  


"I'm sorry." Remus flushed. "I still feel awful about that. It was rude and inconsiderate. But I didn't know you could hear!"

  
  


"Remmie....shut up about it and get out. I know you've got to butter Snape up before he'll agree to sit down and talk all this out."

  
  


"Yes..." Remus frowned, rising. He opened the door, and turned once more back to Sirius. "But I *am* sorry!"

  
  


"I know!" Sirius shook his head exasperated. "But hey..." He rose, his eyes apologetic and warm. His voice was quiet, and somewhat sheepish, and Remus cocked his head curiously. 

  
  


"At least...at least I know you're enjoying yourself."

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


End file.
